I miss you. Is it that hard to believe? I’d give you my soul if you only asked. For no matter how short a time, you made me more complete than I have ever been. Your aura of amazing wonder and excitement about everything was contagious, and I have never met anyone who was able to give their love so unselfishly. I never deserved, and never will deserve, an angel of such magnificent brilliance, yet I had you; then I hurt you; then I lost you.
I won’t say I miss our queer understanding of the world or our hundreds of irreplacable memories. I won’t say I miss calling you and telling you every single stupid thing, or complaining to you about girls or crying about love. I won’t say I miss our priceless karate moments where we tore each other to pieces, or the days when we still played with barbie dolls and I always made you be the evil sister who stole my husband and my Kelly. Neither will I say I miss the days when we grew up in each others houses, nor the nights when we stayed up to talk about your Bradleys and italian lovers with limos, or even those bitchy gangfights we brought upon ourselves everytime we went to Riders Lodge. Because honestly, I could go on forever and never finish my list, because I love you and always have, and even when we aren’t friends anymore (even though we swore to be the best of friends forever) you will always have the biggest place in my heart.
I wish I could tell you all this but things have changed. I tried to forget you, but sometimes in life you meet certain people who you will never be able to replace. You left me just a little bit broken, but it’s okay, because you’re happy and you’re so loved and I think that in this life we’re living, nothing is more important than that. We’ve gone past so many stages of decay that our friendship is like the hollow structure of a tumbled down house, due to be demolished much too long ago. Is this coming out a little too harsh? Well, I’m sorry, I truly am. You once told me that if you could be anyone else in the entire world, you would be me. And I could never understand that, because why would anyone make such a terrible decision? I should’ve told you this but I never did- For as long as I can remember, you’re the only person I have ever wanted to be, too. A rational part of me says this confession would not have changed anything.
But, I just wanted to say this; whisper it into the dying embers of something once so beautiful, that I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you.
Promise.
